You’ll Never Get To Heaven (Scouting Trad.) Sheet Music For Alto Saxophone

Refrain:
I ain’t gonna grieve my Lord no more.

2. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in an old Ford car
‘Cause an old Ford car won’t get that far [Refrain]

3. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a ping pong ball
‘Cause a ping pong ball is much too small [Refrain]

4. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a limousine
‘Cause the Lord ain’t got no gasoline [Refrain]

5. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a Sabre Jet
‘Cause the Lord ain’t got no runways yet [Refrain]

6. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a Girl Scout’s arms
‘Cause the Lord don’t fall for those feminine charms [Refrain]

7. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a rocking chair
‘Cause the Lord don’t want no lazybones there [Refrain]

8. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a wicker chair
‘Cause the Lord don’t want no baskets there [Refrain]

9. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a biscuit tin
‘Cause a biscuit tin’s got biscuits in [Refrain]

10. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in an apple tree
‘Cause an apple tree’s got roots you see [Refrain]

11. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven on roller skates
You’d roll right by them Pearly Gates [Refrain]

12. You’ll never get to heaven in your girlfriend’s bra
‘Cause your girlfriend’s bra can’t stretch that far [Refrain]

13. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven on a Honda bike
‘Cause you’ll get halfway, then you’ll have to hike [Refrain]

14. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in our row boat
‘Cause our row boat won’t even float. [Refrain]

15. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in dirty jeans
‘Cause heaven’s got no washing machines. [Refrain]

16. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a Kleenex box
‘Cause God don’t like no dirty snots. [Refrain]

17. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven on a pair of skis
You’ll shuss right through St. Peter’s knees. [Refrain]

18. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in our Leader’s pants
‘Cause his pants are full of ants [Refrain]

19. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven on water skis
‘Cause the angels don’t like hairy knees [Refrain]

20. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven with powder and paint
‘Cause it makes you look like what you ain’t [Refrain]

21. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a strapless gown
‘Cause that gown thing might fall right down [Refrain]

22. Oh I want to go to heaven, and I want to do it right
So I’ll go up to heaven all dressed in white [Refrain]

23. Oh one fine day, and it won’t be long
You’ll look for me, and I’ll be gone [Refrain]

24. And if you get to heaven before I do
Just drill a hole and pull me through [Refrain]

25. But if I get to heaven before you do
I’ll drill a hole and spit on you [Refrain]

26. Well if I get to heaven, before you do
I’ll plug that hole, with shavings and glue [Refrain]

27. That’s all there is, there is no more
St. Peter said, as he shut the door [Refrain]

28. Oh there’s one more thing I forgot to tell
If you don’t go to heaven, you’ll go to…bed [Refrain]

29. And that’s the end, St. Peter said
As he closed the gates, And went to bed. [Refrain]